Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
