Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
