At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
tell me about the fingering
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