Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
