im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
