Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Jerry, you need to find god
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize