Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
