I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
so much tequila, so little girl.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
