Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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