i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize