my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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