Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
