dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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