You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
