4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
