I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
