my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
