It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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