I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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