Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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