New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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