I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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