I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
