she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
