he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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