Just fell off a train. Bad.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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