Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize