I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
