I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
