i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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