Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
