This is not my ceiling
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
