I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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