I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
