I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize