I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
