My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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