im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
