Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
