Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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