do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
