Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
