I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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