we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
