I want to stick my p in your. b.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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