Sry I called you an 8
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
