I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You took a bar mat shot.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize