Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
