my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
