god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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