I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
