I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize