careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
