maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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