i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
