i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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