Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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