Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
