Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
