Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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