i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize